


all that i wanted was to hold you so close

by half_right_writer



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, F/F, Hurt Jessica Drew, Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_right_writer/pseuds/half_right_writer
Summary: They sit in silence like that, Carol holding Jessica just a bit too hard and Jessica letting her. The blood has pooled within minutes, and Carol has never hated anything more than the warm wetness of it pressing gently at her suit.





	all that i wanted was to hold you so close

**Author's Note:**

> I am physically incapabable of writing happy stuff

There’s no words for the mind-numbing, all-consuming terror that is coursing through Carol’s entire body, making her vision tunnel and her hands shake. Carol couldn’t describe it if she tried. She can’t remember the last time she felt like this. The last time she realized that she was useless. They whatever she was doing wouldn’t be enough, and that there was nothing she could do to change that. Sweat drips down her spine under her suit, reminding her of the much more precious, fragile liquid that falls from Jessica now. Her short hair catches in her mouth and her eyes tear up as the wind whips in her face, but she doesn’t slow. She can’t stop.

Even if she knows that Jessica will die anyways.

Jessica stares wide-eyed at the wounds in her stomach. Her gaze hasn’t left them since Carol bundled her up in her arms and took off, and Carol wishes she would look somewhere else. The blood won’t stop. It keeps coming and coming, dripping over Carol’s hands as it slides off Jessica, and flies through the air behind them. Jessica trembles and her breath catches in her throat suddenly, like a sob of pain and fear and disgust. Carol tightens her grip, hoping her arms feel more like an embrace to Jessica than a restraint. Jessica leans in just slightly and closes her eyes, which both relieves and terrifies Carol.

“Jess,” she gasps. “Jess, are you--”

“I’m good,” Jessica’s voice is frail, but Carol is silenced immediately. The dark-haired woman opens her eyes again, this time to stare up at hero who carries her through the sky. Her nearly-black eyes meet Carol’s blue, and once again Carol’s stomach drop with fear. She looks so calm, so accepting. _Goddammit, Jess--_

“I swear,” Carol forces out through gritted teeth, aware that the tears blurring gaze aren’t caused just by the wind anymore, “I swear, Jess, if you even think-- if you even think about dying on me, I’m gonna--”

“--kill me?” Jessica finishes, a fragile smile stretching her dry lips. The urge to sob rises in Carol’s throat, nearly tearing her apart with the suddenness of it and threatening to take her down if she lets it slip out.

“Don’t.” Carol closes her eyes. “Jessica--”

“Stop,” Jessica rasps. “Land. Can you do that for me?”

Of course Carol can’t. She can’t land. Because if she lands, Jessica will die. If she just keeps flying, everything will be fine. It’s what Carol has been telling herself. But her command seems to control every muscle in Carol’s body much more than her own brain is, and she finds herself descending from the clouds to the cold, hard ground below. Her feet touch the ground and she falls to her knees, lowering Jessica but still refusing to let go. She doesn’t think she can ever let go. She holds Jessica even tighter, urging herself to feel ever curve, every ridge, every flaw of Jessica’s body and wildly hopes that just by touching her enough, Jessica will understand everything that she wishes she could say but can’t.

They sit in silence like that, Carol holding Jessica just a bit too hard and Jessica letting her. The blood has pooled within minutes, and Carol has never hated anything more than the warm wetness of it pressing gently at her suit. Jessica reaches up with a trembling to touch Carol’s hair.

Carol shatters. An ugly sob tears itself from her throat, ripping through the quiet. She’s wildly begging and pleading and saying words that she can’t even hear. The unspeakable fear has broken her until she is sure that she will never be together again.

Jessica just tucks Carol’s hair behind her ear. She slides her fingers under Carol’s and raises the back of her hand to her bloodied lips. She holds it there for a moment. It’s not quite a kiss, but more of a promise. A reassurance. _It’ll be okay. _

_I love you._

And then nothing is holding up Carol’s hand. No breath hits her knuckles. No lively eyes stare up at her.

“I love you, too,” Carol murmurs. “I love you. I love you.” She doesn’t know how many times she says it, rocking back and forth on her toes as she clutches Jessica tighter, closer. She repeats it, over and over again, louder and louder until her words are nothing but a howl of anguish splitting the empty night.


End file.
